The Myth Of Meritocracy And The Disadvantaged Student Experience

By Vi Vo on January 21, 2016

UC Berkeley students have rightfully earned our reputation as some of the most stressed out students in the country. Among my peers at UC Berkeley, it is not uncommon for students to juggle a full class load, multiple jobs, and the crushing weight of student loan debt, to simply meet ends meet.

Via(Pixabay)

In addition, I am considered a “disadvantaged student.”

I am a first generation, working class, immigrant, mentally unwell, woman of color. I am part of the ever-growing cohort of young adults struggling under the oppressive weight of increasing costs, debt, and demands.

In addition to the stressors that come with surviving the university experience, disadvantaged students bring with them additional baggage. I, like so many students, enter the university traumatized from experiences of institutionalized oppression: racism, poverty, violence, or addiction — take your pick.

Only now, in my fourth year, have I come to truly internalize what this means, leading to my most recent existential crisis: being a disadvantaged student ACTUALLY means being disadvantaged.

In the context of the university, it means the odds were against you from the beginning. It means unscathed success is the exception, not the norm. We are “disadvantaged” because we are statistically more likely to struggle harder and longer towards the educational finish line, carrying the weight of a crushing burden as others pass us by.

“Disadvantaged” does not mesh well with the concept of meritocracy, a concept that has been shoved down my throat from as far back as I can remember. This lesson is especially difficult for me coming from an East Asian influenced background that stresses the importance of meritocracy and academic achievement.

I admit that I subconsciously thought myself entitled to academic success, without truly understanding that my success was contingent on resources others provided me with. Only now that those resources are diminishing have I taken this lesson to heart.

I was lucky enough to have a mostly supportive family that prioritized my academic success. My only real job from K-12 was to be a good student and strong applicant for college admissions. Yet, I had classmates who did not have these same opportunities. I’ve come to realize that as disadvantaged as I was, I was also quite privileged in many ways.

As any political economy, sociology, or social welfare major will tell you, social institutions embed and enable certain advantages and disadvantages. As I write this, every political economy lesson about uneven entrance, placement, and existence in the market is rushing back to me.

There is no better way to learn this very bitter lesson than watching your mini American Dream slip out of your grasp. Just like my family entered this country looking for a new beginning and full of hope for a better life full of opportunities and free from violence and poverty, I entered the university full of aspirations and ambitions which I was told were mine for the taking.

My experience as a disadvantaged student at the university has forced me to learn the hard way what marginalized people have written about for decades: America offers illusions of free opportunity, but not results or realities. I was led to believe that my acceptance to a top ranking university like UC Berkeley meant that despite my rough past, I could “make it.” I was told that worlds of opportunities would be open to me. And in some ways they have. In fact, it is more painful because they have.

It is true that at a university like UC Berkeley opportunities are abundant and ubiquitous. Every day I am assaulted with a multitude of fliers and emails advertising some resume-building, life changing internship or externship program.

Of course, I would love to take full advantage of these opportunities. I would love to study abroad, intern at the White House, learn to play guitar, eat healthier, get in shape, etc. But the reality is that as a working-class student, my options are limited. I study because that is what I am here to do, and I work because I have bills to pay.

And even studying alone is difficult because of mental health issues from my past that refuse to leave themselves at the university door. Instead, they followed me and continue to weigh me down. I have finally come to accept the opportunities I passed up. But it rips me up inside because even though I don’t regret making those sacrifices, I resent that I had to.

To quote my good friend Pepe, “You got to let those bourgeois dreams go, they aren’t good for us.”

Make no mistake, there are many people who were able to catch a hold of that train to success and ride it into the glorious sunset. I know many of these people and they deserve every award imaginable.

But acknowledging the weight of what “disadvantaged” really means should not be about fetishizing and glorifying the “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” narrative. It should not be used to withhold support for the currently disadvantaged, to demonize the disadvantaged for speaking out about what disadvantages them, or most insidious of all, to parade “disadvantaged success stories” around as an excuse to avoid implementing policy and institutionalized changes. In a nutshell — lip service is not enough.

Lately, many campaigns and initiatives have formed around issues such as hunger, mental health, housing, and tuition, etc. If universities truly wanted all their students to have the best chances of succeeding, then addressing these structural issues would allow more students to better grab hold of the opportunities in front of them.

Until these changes occur, we must then accept the very uncomfortable fact that no, we are not equal. We are not all equal despite the illusion of equal footing, we are unequal because of the unequal circumstances we were thrust into, and sometimes we stay unequal despite all attempts to do otherwise.

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